Watch Lyric Video
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Lyrics
You may not like my choices
The way that I decide to live
but I'm gonna be who I am
I like my body
I like my personality
And I've got hills to climb
But this is where I am
Some people like me
Some people don't
But God always loves me
Hey
I'm unashamed
And I'm gonna be who I am
Like it or not this is me
I throw my pride on the floor
I'm not afraid anymore
I'm gonna be who I am
I'm unashamed
Oh I remember a time when I had to stand alone
I kept my faith close deep withi
And I made it through the storm
For this I am thankful
For everything God has given me
Yeah, I've been down and out
I remember days when I didn't have anything
Who am I gonna trust?
How am I gonna believe?
But God's got me in his hands
And you better know this man
I ain't never gonna quit on who I am
Noo noo noo
I'm unashamed
This is who I am
Like it or not
And you may not always understand
And that's ok
I'm gonna be who I am anyway
I'm unashamed
This is who I am
Like it or not
And you may not always understand
And that's ok
I'm gonna be who I am anyway
Ooooo
I'm unashamed
The way that I decide to live
but I'm gonna be who I am
I like my body
I like my personality
And I've got hills to climb
But this is where I am
Some people like me
Some people don't
But God always loves me
Hey
I'm unashamed
And I'm gonna be who I am
Like it or not this is me
I throw my pride on the floor
I'm not afraid anymore
I'm gonna be who I am
I'm unashamed
Oh I remember a time when I had to stand alone
I kept my faith close deep withi
And I made it through the storm
For this I am thankful
For everything God has given me
Yeah, I've been down and out
I remember days when I didn't have anything
Who am I gonna trust?
How am I gonna believe?
But God's got me in his hands
And you better know this man
I ain't never gonna quit on who I am
Noo noo noo
I'm unashamed
This is who I am
Like it or not
And you may not always understand
And that's ok
I'm gonna be who I am anyway
I'm unashamed
This is who I am
Like it or not
And you may not always understand
And that's ok
I'm gonna be who I am anyway
Ooooo
I'm unashamed
Notes
I had one goal with this little eBook- freedom for every woman...everywhere. And I wanted to finish it by my 40th birthday, but you know how that goes!!! So, I just decided- the heck with it, I’m going to put it out there! This way, I can inspire you and even finish it later…..LOLOLOL!!!!
So, here we go…...
What would you do if you had no fear? What would you do if you had no shame?
And I mean NO SHAME. Absolutely none.
Who can you become when you are free? What would you do if you could conquer those voices of the past who tell you negative things or set limitations on you?
What if WHAT OTHERS THINK wasn’t the main thing?
Who could you now become?
Who are you in your purest state...with no fear...no hesitation?
As women, we begin our lives as hopeful, limitless, dreamers. We think beyond our limitations...in fact we know no limitations. We talk about what we will do and who we will be. We envision for ourselves a very beautiful life.
Then as we live and as we grow...we make mistakes. We face disappointments. We fall short of our goals.
As a child, we are extremely resilient.
Yet, as we grow, we begin to absorb these incidents we call ‘failures’ and we become ashamed.
We become ashamed of our weight.
Ashamed we aren’t good enough mothers.
Ashamed we didn’t get the job we wanted.
Ashamed we didn’t accomplish the goal we wanted.
Ashamed of not having enough money.
Ashamed of a divorce.
Ashamed of having a child at the ‘wrong’ time.
Life becomes burdensome and we constantly have that little ‘nagging’ feeling inside of discomfort with our own being.
Where is the freedom?
Let’s define it.
Avoid the Biggest Killer- Self Sabotage.
Sometimes it’s just a comfort to know we all go through the same wind of emotions.
At times we feel like life is spinning out of control. We feel like we can’t catch up with ourselves. It’s like stepping outside of your own body and watching yourself try to catch up to yourself! LOL! The truth is that when you make certain changes in your life, there will be times that life seems like it’s a little out of control.
You start a business or a new job and it really seems like...well...chaos.
That’s what it seems like.
It seems like, ‘Darn, I can’t get everything done.’
It seems like, ‘Man, if I just had more money, I would just be better’.
You know, but maybe sometimes life is telling us to OWN where we are instead of being ashamed of where we’re NOT.
Have you ever thought of owning the moment?
Yes, own the moment. Own it all. Your good parts, bad parts, so so parts. It’s all a part of your story. It’s all a part of becoming. And maybe the chaos...just maybe that chaos is leading you into a certain direction...into a BIGGER version of yourself.
A version of you that requires more faith...more determination...less trying to figure everything out. The truth is that, we will never attain this place of perfection and that is totally ok. Allow yourself to just be yourself.
At these chaotic points in your life, here’s the most important thing: DON’T LOSE YOURSELF.
You may feel lost, but you don’t have to BE lost.
Life sometimes comes tumbling in and the first temptation, especially for us as women, is to LOSE ourselves. We lose touch of our dreams, burying our time and energy into other people and other people’s projects. We let our health slip at the expense of others. Because of guilt, we try to do TOO MUCH for others and we neglect our own health.
A lot of times, we just feel SHAME when it comes to taking care of ourselves. We feel guilty when we take the time for US….especially during times of chaos. During times of chaos, we feel so guilty that life is not perfect, we overwork ourselves trying to do everything, be everywhere, clean everything, organize everything….but inside, we’re slipping away.
Don’t LOSE yourself.
Don’t LOSE your faith.
Life can seem like it’s tumbling down on you and you don’t want to wake up in the morning or be around people or you just feel anxiety overwhelming your soul.
Don’t LOSE yourself.
Do whatever you need to do. Talk to your friend. Go work out. Go take a walk. Decide to clear your schedule. Maybe there are a few volunteer projects you can let go.
Do WHATEVER you need to do to create SPACE for you.
Create that space for yourself because that’s what life is demanding of you. Your life is wanting you to come up to a higher level of yourself….not necessarily a better version of you….but a BIGGER version of you.
This is your time to DIG REALLY deep, not a time to be everywhere overworking yourself.
This is a time to stop being ASHAMED of the bigger version of you and PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.
THIS is the time to write that song….to be that person you want to be.
THIS is the time to start that blog.
THIS is the time to take that acting class you’ve been wanting to take.
THIS is the time to DO IT.
That BIGGER version of you is calling out. RESPOND.
------
Now, here’s where most of us get hung up.
Yep, that little voice...that voice that has been dominating you for too long….the voice of FEAR.
The voice of fear says things like:
‘You don’t have enough money’
‘Only famous people do that, not you.’
‘You can’t dance. You’re going to look like a fool.’
‘You’re too old.’
‘It’s not going to work.’
‘Seriously, you can’t do that. What will people think?’
...and the best one is…
‘Do it later.’
Over and over again, we sabotage ourselves. We sabotage ourselves out of our own dreams.
And here’s the thing we often don’t talk about: how others try to place guilt on us.
“Oh, I can’t believe you didn’t make it to that event.”
“I can’t believe you took a trip and didn’t take your kids.”
“Oh, I can’t believe you’re not going to volunteer for that event. Who else is going to do it?”
“Oh, I can’t believe you’re not going to help me anymore.”
“You can’t step out there and do that- it’s not fair to your family.”
Listen listen listen….there’s never going to be a perfect time for you to do something for yourself.
Many times, you are going to NEED to STEP through the chaos and step out INTO your next big moment.
Yes. You’re going to have to say ‘NO’ to someone and ‘YES’ to yourself.
No shame my friend.
Don’t feel shame anymore.
Your bigger version is calling on you and you need to respond.
Let’s Call It Out
Well, I was once told that if you want to move past a condition or hindrance in your life, you need to identify it. Let’s look at shame and understand it a little more. This will help some of us see how it may be affecting our lives. Let’s overcome it together.
Well, according to a wikipedia definition,
Shame is a painful, social emotion[further explanation needed] that can be seen as resulting "...from comparison of the self's action with the self's standards...".[1]but which may equally stem from comparison of the self's state of being with the ideal social context's standard.
Wikipedia further explains social emotions
Social emotions are emotions that depend upon the thoughts, feelings or actions of other people, "as experienced, recalled, anticipated or imagined at first hand".[1][2] Examples are embarrassment, guilt, shame, jealousy, envy, empathy, and pride.[3
Images in Media- reject them
Expectations of our parents- relinquish them
Close friends and family- emotional separtion
Yourself- love yourself
(THE NOT ENOUGH COMPLEX) Not Adding Up
I think if most of us were honest, we would admit that somehow, we don’t meet up to some standard we have of ourself. We constantly think of how we are falling short of something. That feeling is an accumulation of how we view ourselves as we progress in our lives.
It’s interesting that when we’re young, we are incredibly hopeful and as time goes on and we gain a myriad of experiences, we begin to chip away at our confidence and even our self worth.
It’s really time to regain confidence and a sense of value in who we are and what we’re called to do. It’s time to take it more seriously. It’s time to realize a few things:
Make the world smile.
(THE GAP) How we SEE ourselves vs. Where we are
For many of us, we may be in a state of life or career or life circumstance, but when we really imagine who we are an what we want, it’s quite different. That demands honesty. That demands for us to make a change.
CONDEMNATION A burden of shame from others
Now this is an interesting conundrum because the process of feeling burdened by others only happens when we ALLOW this shame. However, the truth is, for a lot of us, we may have felt or received this condemnation from a very young age when we are someone unaware. However, it’s when we realize we can be free and decide to be free from shame, we can move forward.
I was talking to a beautiful woman in my showroom. She was in her early sixties. I have a signature red lipstick in my showroom. I saw the woman kept going towards the red lipstick...putting it on her hand. She looked at how the shade looked against her extremely beautiful caramel colored skin.
“The color looks beautiful on you!” I said.
She looked at me and laughed a little bit. I was wearing the lipstick that day. She said, “Oh my lips are too big!”...but I could tell she wanted to wear it.
I said, “Oh, look at how big mine are! I love them! Wear it!”
She smiled and explained to me that she always wanted to wear that beautiful hue of red lipstick. She explained that when she was younger growing up in a very segregated time, she was made fun of all the time by her peers about her full lips. The women during her time also encouraged her not to wear lipstick because they said her lips were to full and it would draw too much attention and in her household wearing such a bright red was considered “improper” and almost uncalled for as a woman. Yet beyond that, she told me how she was still incredibly self conscious about her beautiful lips.
All I could tell her that day was that she was beautiful. That’s a simple example of how at times, we develop these ‘shame scars’ and they are within us. We feel them throughout the day. We experience them during our lifetime. We feel shame about our bodies or our personalities or our hair or some other difference. It’s something that binds us.
How would you feel if you were free? What version of yourself do you become without insecurities...without a inferior sense of self? Who do we become without these voices in our heads?
We become free. Unashamed.
STANDARDS REDEFINED
In order to maintain this FREE life, we need to identify and when needed, redefine our own standards. See, all of us have standards we live by. They are lines drawn for us emotionally and other ways that we adapt as a part of our life. Some of them are bad. Some of them are good.
Here’s an personal example. I was raised in a wonderful home with extremely loving parents. We were christians and faithfully attended church...and I truly am thankful for that. I kind of grew up with this standard that I would only ever sing ‘church music’. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. It’s just that as I grew and as my songwriting experience evolved, I wanted to get outside the four walls of the church. I wanted (and still want) to dance and sing and be OUT in the community- with people. All kinds of people with all kinds of varying beliefs.
Now, my family would NEVER shun me, however, it was kind of a standard. I had a hard time in my adult years embracing everything I am as an artist- I wear really GLAM outfits- for some people it might be too much- but for me...it’s who I am! I love being sexy, but with class. I love singing about everything, including God, love, happiness, sadness, joy, pain, inspiration and more. I’m an artist.
I had to REDEFINE my standards. I had to REPROGRAM myself.
Here’s another one. How about age? We have so many standards about age and seriously, if you get this message and take it to heart, you can find yourself in freedom and make a bold decision to change your life...regardless of your age.
EXERCISE : It could be helpful to stop and identify some standards that you’ve adopted that need redefined. Look, life is all about action! We move forward in our lives when we have the ability and take the time to self-evaluate and redirect. Write down a few standards- maybe a few belief systems that are holding you back. What standards need redefined? What expectations have you allowed to run your life- including your own or the expectations of others? Take a quick break- seeing it on paper will help you.
Part B: I would also strongly encourage to create a set of ‘I STATEMENTS’ to empower you to contradict and dispel those those false standards. For example, one standard I was struggling with is this: “I am too old to reinvent myself as a musician and a singer. You have to start your music career when you’re in your 20s...like in Hollywood- not the year you turn 40!” LOL! So, I have decided to embrace myself
Be Mindful of Social Expectations
The environment we grow up in and the circles of people we are around also set our standards.
Overcome Your Shame
Get Your Emotions Out-
Talk with friends. I can’t express how important it is for you to regularly express your emotions, whether to a close friend or with professional help. Imagine your emotions like a river inside you...and a river can be powerful. Imagine a river flowing with nowhere to flow. Emotions are like rivers. They stir the soul- let them out. Do not be ashamed of how you feel about your life or a certain situation. Express that.
Write it Out. Writing can be a great healer. I encourage you to get a journal or you can get your Freedom Journal from my etsy shop. Writing is healing. I’ve really enjoyed reading the Artists Way by Julia Cameron (especially as an artist) and it is a great read for anyone. In the book, Julia stresses the importance of getting your emotions and thoughts out onto a page. I do this- whether I’m angry, sad, happy, expecting something great or have deep feelings about an issue. If they are EXTREMELY private, I will write down the thoughts and destroy them later. What I find is a release. I find I don’t have that heaviness- that burden.
The Beauty of Emotional Separation
Now I’m going to say that this tip here is my own personal tip. This is something I do that works for you. Disclaimer, it may not be your thing! Just take the meat and leave the bones.
I believe there are times where you have to create some emotional separation from certain people. You know the truth is...some people are toxic. Some people thrive off of your pain. They leech off of your emotional baggage- they are someone enablers and don’t enjoy watching your freedom process.
There are some people (like close friends and family) that for some reason or another, you have to interact with them regularly and so they are an integral part of your life, but they are toxic.
You have to create emotional separation...and it can be beautiful.
Limit What You Share With Certain People. You know, some people just can’t handle your big dreams. They just can’t take it. It’s not your fault. It’s not even their fault. It just is what it is. Some people are just not the ones you need to share your dreams with. They’ll kill it.
Stop Seeking the Approval of Others. Some people will just never approve of what you do. Many times, we wait for someone to affirm us and agree with who we are and what we do in order to move forward with our lives.
For example, here is Ruth’s story:
Ruth was raised in a very conservative home. She progressed throughout her life like most of us, got a good career and eventually had four kids. Eventually, she faced some really difficult times in her marriage. She decided to get a divorce. Now, she had many discussions with many friends, family members and also members of her church. Now, of course, none of us like to see a family ripped apart. Yet, there’s a lot to someone’s story than what we all see.
Ruth lost friends. Ruth’s church family would not accept her. But Ruth made the decision independently of how other people elt.
And it was her decision.
Own your own truth.
You are responsible for you.
Or here’s a personal example. I left my own corporate career to pursue this dream of being a fashion designer, but more than that...to discover how I could live a life someday and empower other women.
I didn’t have all the answers.
A TIME FOR DISCOVERY.
I believe before you can truly stand in your own freedom which I think is a progressive thing (it’s always happening throughout your life), you have to give yourself room for discovery.
Most people tell you that you need to figure out your next step and have a clear and concise plan of where you want to go before you make a move. While I do believe that eventually you need a plan, I also believe there are times in life when you can allow yourself time for discovery. After I left my job, for about 6-8 months, I wasn’t sue EXACTLY what my next steps were. I spent a lot of time alone. I ran along the river almost everyday. I would take walks.
My AHA Moment!
One day as I was running along the river...I had this huge aha moment: I realized something:
My entire life was one major event after the other, I never stopped.
High school. College. After college- get a job. Get married. Have 2 kids. Keep working.
I never stopped.
Then I realized I gave myself the biggest gift EVER. I gave myself the gift of self-discovery. I gave myself a chance to rediscover who I was. I gave myself and open door. An opportunity. A chance to walk through a different door. A chance to see myself differently. A chance to make a turn. A chance to reintroduce myself...to myself again. There was music in my soul. There was beauty. There were designs. There were other things….undiscovered and I needed to tap into it at this moment in my life. I needed to rediscover myself.
I needed to take a breathe.
What Do You Do Now?
I think for a lot of us, finding our purpose and finding our meaning is exhilarating...exciting. Yet, it also brings up whole other set of life issues. Now that I’m on the right path and I know who I am, what do I do?
Transitioning of Self
One of the hardest things to do is move on. Baby, sometimes those shoes just don’t fit anymore. It’s time to get a new pair!
Well, I’m just fascinated about this topic. Because I believe at various points of everyone’s life, it is absolutely necessary to change and the process of change is so incredible- so invigorating...it is so telling.
You learn so much about yourself when you
The Importance of Evolving
It is so incredibly important to evolve as a person. To not only learn and grow, but to progress into new versions of yourself and adapt and relate differently to the world around you. I think in life, innovation is one of the most important things. You have to innovate.
Let’s look at what it actually means.
Innovation - Wikipediahttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Innovation
Now, what really strikes me here in the definition of ‘innovation’ is ‘better solutions’ to meet ‘unarticulated needs’. Think about that.
Again, my goal in writing this book is to help you find your place of freedom.
Freedom is the goal. To be in a free place to be who you are.
Hidden Treasures
Many of us have ‘unarticulated’, ‘unexpressed’, ‘raw’, ‘never before tapped into’ gifts and abilities. Now, if you get alone with yourself and give yourself enough room and enough space, you can often find amazing new talents or maybe some dreams that you surpressed.
So, Linda was a Finance Manager at a particular company. Linda always wanted to have her own jewelry company. She would often just make things for co-workers here and there, but then life got busy. Linda had so much to do. She wasn’t married yet, but she was involved in a lot of community activities, she helped her family a lot and quite honestly, even though she made jewelry as a child and loved it up to this day, eventually she wasn’t making jewelry anymore. Life just had put too much on her plate.
How many of you feel like Linda?
How many of us forget ourselves?
Dance Again….
I remember going to Africa when my Dad passed away. What an incredible experience. Well, if you don’t know about Ghanaian funerals, they are very lively! It is a four day celebration of life. I had a chance to go to so many gatherings, visit people, see the beautiful country. Now, every time I started to dance, my family loved it!!! They started calling me, “The Dancer!” You know what? Until I went to Ghana, I forgot how much I loved to dance! I seriously love to dance and I mean GET DOWN!
I forgot. As a little girl, I loved dancing. I would record hours and hours of music and just dance- I felt free.
It made me wonder why I didn’t dance anymore.
Why don’t we sing anymore?
Why don’t we paint anymore?
What happened to our smiles?
Are they so buried under our busy lives that we’ve lost a sense of self?
Are we ashamed to say, “I want to break out of this box. I don’t enjoy my life.”
Well, I want to dance. I’m not ashamed to say, I want to and I NEED to feel free and excercise my freedom. I need to discover the greater essence of life. I need to feel more than JOY- I need to feel purpose. Life is too short.
Don’t be ashamed to look at your life and say to your life, “I want more.” You deserve it.
You’re incredible.
You’re not an accident.
Confidence & Decisions
You know, life is a journey and many times in that journey, we face crossroads. We can go left, go right, forward, backwards or simply stay where we are.
Don’t be ashamed of the decisions you’ve made and even if they were bad decisions, today you can make a good decision. Today is here and yesterday is gone.
There are times in life especially as a woman where you have to make a choice to provide for yourself.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION ON WHICH WAY YOU’RE GOING TO GO.
Part of what holds up our lives is indecision. We don’t want to make a decision. Maybe we’re afraid of making the wrong decision.
Allow your heart to guide you.
Here’s a list of excellent questions to ask yourself when you’re facing a huge life decision:
I remember deciding that I AM AN ENTREPRENEUR. It is at the core of who I am. One of the things about entrepreneurs is we try a lot of things. I had to learn and accept that it was part of the process. I have to accept that I will try ideas that don’t work. But ultimately, I have to own up to those decisions.
I am very firm on one thing though.
Never give up on a dream. Never. If you believe you are a singer- you keep walking through that door until you walk through the right door.
If you believe you are a painter. You keep painting your way into the right opportunity.
See, when you never give up on a dream- you find away.
The Importance of Hope
Never give up hope. Hope is that earnest expectation that something good can happen. Never leave your heart lonely. Always hope. Always believe. I think HOPE is so essential to life. It helps the heart to breathe. You have to believe you will see great things happen in your life.
Regardless of what your situation is...hope.
Let me ask you a question, “What are you hoping for?”
“What have you set your heart on?”
Hope is essential because you will make plans and plans may fail, but hope continues to see that brighter day.
Hope is vision...a vision for a brighter day.
Hope allows your imagination to come to life.
The Question. The Process.
The more I live, the more I realize, we are all answering this question, “Who Am I” progressively. Part of being unashamed is allowing yourself to go through the process of life.
I think a lot of us (including myself) sometimes either resist the process or we are ashamed of the process.
It’s time to be unashamed of your perceived failures. You’ve gone through a process. You’re stronger now. You can help someone else through it.
I often tell myself, “Just enjoy where you are.” I try to remember that.
At various points in your life you discover things you really want to do and things you don’t want to do. You discover things you are passionate about and you also find out things that don’t move you at all. You discover WHY you’re doing what you’re doing.
What would you feel like if you weren’t burdened with
Freeing Yourself from the Burden of Disappointment
I think women handle disappointments differently because we are so very nurturing. We try to nurture everyone- our friends, our employees, our loved ones, yet we forget that one little thing….to nurture ourselves!
Sometimes disappointments can be like permanent scars in our souls.
Many times, disappointment really comes not from what others think about us, but how we think about ourselves.
Disappointments are burdens. Did you know you can let your disappointments go?
Do you have shortcomings that burden you?
EXERCISE : It would help you to identify shortcomings or disappointments that plague you or weigh you down. Just write them down. Make a conscious effort to deal with these things emotionally. You know, as we grow, we sort of learn to just shame ourselves. We put burdens on ourselves. But freedom is yours and you have to take it. You have to let go of your perceived disappointments. Learn from them and allow yourself to move on. Feel whole again.
Don’t be ashamed. STOP PLAYING SMALL.
You know, there comes a time when you have to stop playing small. There comes a time when you NEED to stop playing small.
Life often demands that we step UP into our greatness.
I want to challenge you today to STEP UP into your greatness.
Why only act on the small ideas? Act on the big ideas.
Now, I’m not just talking about taking risk. No, I’m talking about how you view yourself and how you will relate to the world.
See, we are driven mostly by a media obsessed culture and we spend most of our time watching movies, watching TV- following the lives of our favorite stars. Now, there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that, but at some point we start living vicariously through so many people, we forget our own greatness! Come on! What about YOUR personal power?
You watch T.V., but you also want to be an actress. When are you going to do it?
You love listening to music and deep down inside, you want to sing. What is going to be your next step?
You see other marketing companies being the authority in their field and you have a marketing company and something to share. When are you going to market yourself like an authority?
As women, a lot of times, we short change ourselves. Not only do we take less pay, but we cheat ourselves out of bigger opportunities because we have the wrong thinking about our own selves.
Here’s how you can start PLAYING BIG. I already know some of this might sound a bit overboard, but just humor me here. This can really help you.
100% You
You know one of my favorite artists? Lady Gaga.
Let me tell you why.
She is totally herself and it is inspiring.
Her expression is so 100% her. Her music isn’t watered down. It’s her own brand. It’s not a copycat. It’s authentic.
Art in its purest form is transparent- from the heart.
Stop waiting for the perfect time to be you.
Sometimes, there’s no real transition. When you realize who you are, BE HER. Hit the nail on the head. Go for the prize. You’ve been wanting to paint, go buy your paint and start selling your art next week. You want to be a motivational speaker? Grab your camera and post something positive...NOW.
You want to start a blog? Start it TODAY.
No tomorrow. TODAY.
You may say, “But it’s not the perfect time”.
Well, news flash, there’s no such thing as the perfect time. The perfect time is when you make that decision.
You know, we all get so comfortable. Time belongs to no one. We all live like we have a million years. We don’t. Sometimes you just need to do it. Make it happen.
The How Complex
As a dreamer, maybe you suffer from the HOW complex. You start that business or your start that dream, but all of a sudden you stop because you can’t imagine how everything is going to play out. I mean, who is going to read your blog? How will you get readers? Who is going to book you as a speaker? What if you put up a website and no one buys anything?
How this?
How that?
Listen. Here’s a brilliant truth. If you focus on BEING...I mean authentically BEING with all the belief in your heart...you will lead yourself to the open doors and in fact, the open doors will come to you.
See, it goes back to being authentic.
I’ve accepted that I’m a designer. Regardless of what happens with sales, shifts, trends, etc. I have decided that I will keep designing. It’s because it’s who I am. Doors have to open. That doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It just means when I’m facing a tough situation or when I’m facing something that looks impossible or I hit a wall, I get my BELIEF so high. I remind myself that THIS IS WHO I AM. I will not stop being who I am because it looks like things aren’t working. Who cares what things look like.
What are you committed to?
No more playing small. You’ve been there. You’ve done that. It’s time to start taking your life by the reigns and giving the world what you came here for. No more wasting time.
It’s Time To Get Angry!
You know, anger is not only a bad thing- only when it’s uncontrolled! Listen, it’s time to get angry.
I’m angry for every time you wanted to make a move and you scared yourself out of it.
I’m angry for every woman including myself who ever underestimated themselves.
I’m angry for every woman who lets her dream die.
I’m angry for every woman who is ashamed of her body.
I’m angry for every woman who decides to be controlled by her past.
I’m angry for every woman who neglects her well being.
I’m angry for every woman who sells herself short and who devalues herself.
And I’m making a commitment to every woman around me to NOT ALLOW her to live beneath her greatness.
I want all of our daughters, our mothers, our aunts, our grandmothers, our nieces, our sisters….every single woman in our lives, I WANT US TO GET ANGRY ENOUGH FOR ALL OF THEM.
I want you to call your girlfriend up and tell her you won’t allow her to let her dream sit on the shelf!
Get ANGRY! Get UP and do something about your life.
Get UP and pursue that big dream….no…..not the SMALL thing…..THE BIG ONE….YEAH, the one that people laugh at….that dream…..DO THAT.
Get a little angry with yourself.
Let me tell you a personal moment I had with myself…..a very personal moment.
I got angry one day. I got angry that my music wasn’t taking off the way I thought it should. I got angry because all of these years, I let my music sit on the shelf.
I stopped because of fear.
I stopped because people didn’t understand.
I stopped because I felt I had failed.
I stopped because I thought maybe I’m too old.
I stopped because I thought my gift wasn’t as good as others.
So one day, I saw on facebook that someone I knew pretty well had just passed away suddenly. It was crazy because I was just talking to this person not too long ago. They were talking to me about a new project they were working on...they had been sitting on this dream for a long time.
Then I realized something and IMMEDIATELY my little pity party was over.
I asked myself, ‘What am I doing sitting here sad about what I didn’t do? I’m alive. I need to do this’!
Then I immediately made a studio appointment to continue working on my music project.
Then I realized the root of my problem.
I was ashamed. I felt guilty. I felt disappointed in myself. I felt embarrassed about my dreams. I realized I felt embarrassed for wanting more for my life.
I felt shame. I realized I made my bed in a place of pain...of regret.
See, the most horrible thing about regret is that it’s like dead end street. Living in regret doesn’t lead you anywhere...it’s just a circle of fear….it’s an dead end journey where all you do is rehearse your past disappointements.
Let Go of Your Regrets.
Can you let go of when you’ve disappointed yourself and made a decision you thought you shouldn’t have made? Can you move on?
Here’s the definition of regret: a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.
Here’s the thing….what’s done is done.
Can you move on?
Let’s make a decision to MOVE ON. Make your decision to MOVE ON.
You cannot make your bed in the valley of regret. When you’re living in regret, you are rehearsing your past disappointments and it’s a trap. You stay angry at yourself.
So, here’s the question, how do we move past regret? How do we move past these negative feelings that evoke these negative sensations and negative outcomes in our lives?
Here’s a few ways you can move past regret:
I would encourage you to chart out your next 3 months. It’s always great to make a fresh commitment to yourself, but things can get lost if you don’t make some immediate moves in the direction you want to go.
When you let go of fear, your life will change.
When you let go of shame and embrace the unique ‘you’ inside, your world lights up.
UNASHAMED OF CHANGE
We all need change to propel us forward. There comes a time when life seems to demand something new to take place inside of you. It’s almost as if life asks you to step into bigger shoes. I think most of us can identify that feeling.
It’s time for change when:
A Brand New YOU
Deep on the inside is that little child inside of us. You know, the one who dreams...awaken the dreamer inside of you. Allow her to come back to life. We try to silence the dreamer inside...we shame her. Allow yourself to dream again and hope again.
Live an inspired life...a life of hope.
So, here we go…...
What would you do if you had no fear? What would you do if you had no shame?
And I mean NO SHAME. Absolutely none.
Who can you become when you are free? What would you do if you could conquer those voices of the past who tell you negative things or set limitations on you?
What if WHAT OTHERS THINK wasn’t the main thing?
Who could you now become?
Who are you in your purest state...with no fear...no hesitation?
As women, we begin our lives as hopeful, limitless, dreamers. We think beyond our limitations...in fact we know no limitations. We talk about what we will do and who we will be. We envision for ourselves a very beautiful life.
Then as we live and as we grow...we make mistakes. We face disappointments. We fall short of our goals.
As a child, we are extremely resilient.
Yet, as we grow, we begin to absorb these incidents we call ‘failures’ and we become ashamed.
We become ashamed of our weight.
Ashamed we aren’t good enough mothers.
Ashamed we didn’t get the job we wanted.
Ashamed we didn’t accomplish the goal we wanted.
Ashamed of not having enough money.
Ashamed of a divorce.
Ashamed of having a child at the ‘wrong’ time.
Life becomes burdensome and we constantly have that little ‘nagging’ feeling inside of discomfort with our own being.
Where is the freedom?
Let’s define it.
Avoid the Biggest Killer- Self Sabotage.
Sometimes it’s just a comfort to know we all go through the same wind of emotions.
At times we feel like life is spinning out of control. We feel like we can’t catch up with ourselves. It’s like stepping outside of your own body and watching yourself try to catch up to yourself! LOL! The truth is that when you make certain changes in your life, there will be times that life seems like it’s a little out of control.
You start a business or a new job and it really seems like...well...chaos.
That’s what it seems like.
It seems like, ‘Darn, I can’t get everything done.’
It seems like, ‘Man, if I just had more money, I would just be better’.
You know, but maybe sometimes life is telling us to OWN where we are instead of being ashamed of where we’re NOT.
Have you ever thought of owning the moment?
Yes, own the moment. Own it all. Your good parts, bad parts, so so parts. It’s all a part of your story. It’s all a part of becoming. And maybe the chaos...just maybe that chaos is leading you into a certain direction...into a BIGGER version of yourself.
A version of you that requires more faith...more determination...less trying to figure everything out. The truth is that, we will never attain this place of perfection and that is totally ok. Allow yourself to just be yourself.
At these chaotic points in your life, here’s the most important thing: DON’T LOSE YOURSELF.
You may feel lost, but you don’t have to BE lost.
Life sometimes comes tumbling in and the first temptation, especially for us as women, is to LOSE ourselves. We lose touch of our dreams, burying our time and energy into other people and other people’s projects. We let our health slip at the expense of others. Because of guilt, we try to do TOO MUCH for others and we neglect our own health.
A lot of times, we just feel SHAME when it comes to taking care of ourselves. We feel guilty when we take the time for US….especially during times of chaos. During times of chaos, we feel so guilty that life is not perfect, we overwork ourselves trying to do everything, be everywhere, clean everything, organize everything….but inside, we’re slipping away.
Don’t LOSE yourself.
Don’t LOSE your faith.
Life can seem like it’s tumbling down on you and you don’t want to wake up in the morning or be around people or you just feel anxiety overwhelming your soul.
Don’t LOSE yourself.
Do whatever you need to do. Talk to your friend. Go work out. Go take a walk. Decide to clear your schedule. Maybe there are a few volunteer projects you can let go.
Do WHATEVER you need to do to create SPACE for you.
Create that space for yourself because that’s what life is demanding of you. Your life is wanting you to come up to a higher level of yourself….not necessarily a better version of you….but a BIGGER version of you.
This is your time to DIG REALLY deep, not a time to be everywhere overworking yourself.
This is a time to stop being ASHAMED of the bigger version of you and PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.
THIS is the time to write that song….to be that person you want to be.
THIS is the time to start that blog.
THIS is the time to take that acting class you’ve been wanting to take.
THIS is the time to DO IT.
That BIGGER version of you is calling out. RESPOND.
------
Now, here’s where most of us get hung up.
Yep, that little voice...that voice that has been dominating you for too long….the voice of FEAR.
The voice of fear says things like:
‘You don’t have enough money’
‘Only famous people do that, not you.’
‘You can’t dance. You’re going to look like a fool.’
‘You’re too old.’
‘It’s not going to work.’
‘Seriously, you can’t do that. What will people think?’
...and the best one is…
‘Do it later.’
Over and over again, we sabotage ourselves. We sabotage ourselves out of our own dreams.
And here’s the thing we often don’t talk about: how others try to place guilt on us.
“Oh, I can’t believe you didn’t make it to that event.”
“I can’t believe you took a trip and didn’t take your kids.”
“Oh, I can’t believe you’re not going to volunteer for that event. Who else is going to do it?”
“Oh, I can’t believe you’re not going to help me anymore.”
“You can’t step out there and do that- it’s not fair to your family.”
Listen listen listen….there’s never going to be a perfect time for you to do something for yourself.
Many times, you are going to NEED to STEP through the chaos and step out INTO your next big moment.
Yes. You’re going to have to say ‘NO’ to someone and ‘YES’ to yourself.
No shame my friend.
Don’t feel shame anymore.
Your bigger version is calling on you and you need to respond.
Let’s Call It Out
Well, I was once told that if you want to move past a condition or hindrance in your life, you need to identify it. Let’s look at shame and understand it a little more. This will help some of us see how it may be affecting our lives. Let’s overcome it together.
Well, according to a wikipedia definition,
Shame is a painful, social emotion[further explanation needed] that can be seen as resulting "...from comparison of the self's action with the self's standards...".[1]but which may equally stem from comparison of the self's state of being with the ideal social context's standard.
Wikipedia further explains social emotions
Social emotions are emotions that depend upon the thoughts, feelings or actions of other people, "as experienced, recalled, anticipated or imagined at first hand".[1][2] Examples are embarrassment, guilt, shame, jealousy, envy, empathy, and pride.[3
Images in Media- reject them
Expectations of our parents- relinquish them
Close friends and family- emotional separtion
Yourself- love yourself
(THE NOT ENOUGH COMPLEX) Not Adding Up
I think if most of us were honest, we would admit that somehow, we don’t meet up to some standard we have of ourself. We constantly think of how we are falling short of something. That feeling is an accumulation of how we view ourselves as we progress in our lives.
It’s interesting that when we’re young, we are incredibly hopeful and as time goes on and we gain a myriad of experiences, we begin to chip away at our confidence and even our self worth.
It’s really time to regain confidence and a sense of value in who we are and what we’re called to do. It’s time to take it more seriously. It’s time to realize a few things:
- You have value in this world and you need to stand in that value
- You need to offer the world the gifts and talents inside of you
- You need to stop devaluing who you are and begin to add value to the world around you
- Now is the time to step into those bigger shoes
Make the world smile.
(THE GAP) How we SEE ourselves vs. Where we are
For many of us, we may be in a state of life or career or life circumstance, but when we really imagine who we are an what we want, it’s quite different. That demands honesty. That demands for us to make a change.
CONDEMNATION A burden of shame from others
Now this is an interesting conundrum because the process of feeling burdened by others only happens when we ALLOW this shame. However, the truth is, for a lot of us, we may have felt or received this condemnation from a very young age when we are someone unaware. However, it’s when we realize we can be free and decide to be free from shame, we can move forward.
I was talking to a beautiful woman in my showroom. She was in her early sixties. I have a signature red lipstick in my showroom. I saw the woman kept going towards the red lipstick...putting it on her hand. She looked at how the shade looked against her extremely beautiful caramel colored skin.
“The color looks beautiful on you!” I said.
She looked at me and laughed a little bit. I was wearing the lipstick that day. She said, “Oh my lips are too big!”...but I could tell she wanted to wear it.
I said, “Oh, look at how big mine are! I love them! Wear it!”
She smiled and explained to me that she always wanted to wear that beautiful hue of red lipstick. She explained that when she was younger growing up in a very segregated time, she was made fun of all the time by her peers about her full lips. The women during her time also encouraged her not to wear lipstick because they said her lips were to full and it would draw too much attention and in her household wearing such a bright red was considered “improper” and almost uncalled for as a woman. Yet beyond that, she told me how she was still incredibly self conscious about her beautiful lips.
All I could tell her that day was that she was beautiful. That’s a simple example of how at times, we develop these ‘shame scars’ and they are within us. We feel them throughout the day. We experience them during our lifetime. We feel shame about our bodies or our personalities or our hair or some other difference. It’s something that binds us.
How would you feel if you were free? What version of yourself do you become without insecurities...without a inferior sense of self? Who do we become without these voices in our heads?
We become free. Unashamed.
STANDARDS REDEFINED
In order to maintain this FREE life, we need to identify and when needed, redefine our own standards. See, all of us have standards we live by. They are lines drawn for us emotionally and other ways that we adapt as a part of our life. Some of them are bad. Some of them are good.
Here’s an personal example. I was raised in a wonderful home with extremely loving parents. We were christians and faithfully attended church...and I truly am thankful for that. I kind of grew up with this standard that I would only ever sing ‘church music’. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. It’s just that as I grew and as my songwriting experience evolved, I wanted to get outside the four walls of the church. I wanted (and still want) to dance and sing and be OUT in the community- with people. All kinds of people with all kinds of varying beliefs.
Now, my family would NEVER shun me, however, it was kind of a standard. I had a hard time in my adult years embracing everything I am as an artist- I wear really GLAM outfits- for some people it might be too much- but for me...it’s who I am! I love being sexy, but with class. I love singing about everything, including God, love, happiness, sadness, joy, pain, inspiration and more. I’m an artist.
I had to REDEFINE my standards. I had to REPROGRAM myself.
Here’s another one. How about age? We have so many standards about age and seriously, if you get this message and take it to heart, you can find yourself in freedom and make a bold decision to change your life...regardless of your age.
EXERCISE : It could be helpful to stop and identify some standards that you’ve adopted that need redefined. Look, life is all about action! We move forward in our lives when we have the ability and take the time to self-evaluate and redirect. Write down a few standards- maybe a few belief systems that are holding you back. What standards need redefined? What expectations have you allowed to run your life- including your own or the expectations of others? Take a quick break- seeing it on paper will help you.
Part B: I would also strongly encourage to create a set of ‘I STATEMENTS’ to empower you to contradict and dispel those those false standards. For example, one standard I was struggling with is this: “I am too old to reinvent myself as a musician and a singer. You have to start your music career when you’re in your 20s...like in Hollywood- not the year you turn 40!” LOL! So, I have decided to embrace myself
Be Mindful of Social Expectations
The environment we grow up in and the circles of people we are around also set our standards.
Overcome Your Shame
Get Your Emotions Out-
Talk with friends. I can’t express how important it is for you to regularly express your emotions, whether to a close friend or with professional help. Imagine your emotions like a river inside you...and a river can be powerful. Imagine a river flowing with nowhere to flow. Emotions are like rivers. They stir the soul- let them out. Do not be ashamed of how you feel about your life or a certain situation. Express that.
Write it Out. Writing can be a great healer. I encourage you to get a journal or you can get your Freedom Journal from my etsy shop. Writing is healing. I’ve really enjoyed reading the Artists Way by Julia Cameron (especially as an artist) and it is a great read for anyone. In the book, Julia stresses the importance of getting your emotions and thoughts out onto a page. I do this- whether I’m angry, sad, happy, expecting something great or have deep feelings about an issue. If they are EXTREMELY private, I will write down the thoughts and destroy them later. What I find is a release. I find I don’t have that heaviness- that burden.
The Beauty of Emotional Separation
Now I’m going to say that this tip here is my own personal tip. This is something I do that works for you. Disclaimer, it may not be your thing! Just take the meat and leave the bones.
I believe there are times where you have to create some emotional separation from certain people. You know the truth is...some people are toxic. Some people thrive off of your pain. They leech off of your emotional baggage- they are someone enablers and don’t enjoy watching your freedom process.
There are some people (like close friends and family) that for some reason or another, you have to interact with them regularly and so they are an integral part of your life, but they are toxic.
You have to create emotional separation...and it can be beautiful.
Limit What You Share With Certain People. You know, some people just can’t handle your big dreams. They just can’t take it. It’s not your fault. It’s not even their fault. It just is what it is. Some people are just not the ones you need to share your dreams with. They’ll kill it.
Stop Seeking the Approval of Others. Some people will just never approve of what you do. Many times, we wait for someone to affirm us and agree with who we are and what we do in order to move forward with our lives.
For example, here is Ruth’s story:
Ruth was raised in a very conservative home. She progressed throughout her life like most of us, got a good career and eventually had four kids. Eventually, she faced some really difficult times in her marriage. She decided to get a divorce. Now, she had many discussions with many friends, family members and also members of her church. Now, of course, none of us like to see a family ripped apart. Yet, there’s a lot to someone’s story than what we all see.
Ruth lost friends. Ruth’s church family would not accept her. But Ruth made the decision independently of how other people elt.
And it was her decision.
Own your own truth.
You are responsible for you.
Or here’s a personal example. I left my own corporate career to pursue this dream of being a fashion designer, but more than that...to discover how I could live a life someday and empower other women.
I didn’t have all the answers.
A TIME FOR DISCOVERY.
I believe before you can truly stand in your own freedom which I think is a progressive thing (it’s always happening throughout your life), you have to give yourself room for discovery.
Most people tell you that you need to figure out your next step and have a clear and concise plan of where you want to go before you make a move. While I do believe that eventually you need a plan, I also believe there are times in life when you can allow yourself time for discovery. After I left my job, for about 6-8 months, I wasn’t sue EXACTLY what my next steps were. I spent a lot of time alone. I ran along the river almost everyday. I would take walks.
My AHA Moment!
One day as I was running along the river...I had this huge aha moment: I realized something:
My entire life was one major event after the other, I never stopped.
High school. College. After college- get a job. Get married. Have 2 kids. Keep working.
I never stopped.
Then I realized I gave myself the biggest gift EVER. I gave myself the gift of self-discovery. I gave myself a chance to rediscover who I was. I gave myself and open door. An opportunity. A chance to walk through a different door. A chance to see myself differently. A chance to make a turn. A chance to reintroduce myself...to myself again. There was music in my soul. There was beauty. There were designs. There were other things….undiscovered and I needed to tap into it at this moment in my life. I needed to rediscover myself.
I needed to take a breathe.
What Do You Do Now?
I think for a lot of us, finding our purpose and finding our meaning is exhilarating...exciting. Yet, it also brings up whole other set of life issues. Now that I’m on the right path and I know who I am, what do I do?
Transitioning of Self
One of the hardest things to do is move on. Baby, sometimes those shoes just don’t fit anymore. It’s time to get a new pair!
Well, I’m just fascinated about this topic. Because I believe at various points of everyone’s life, it is absolutely necessary to change and the process of change is so incredible- so invigorating...it is so telling.
You learn so much about yourself when you
The Importance of Evolving
It is so incredibly important to evolve as a person. To not only learn and grow, but to progress into new versions of yourself and adapt and relate differently to the world around you. I think in life, innovation is one of the most important things. You have to innovate.
Let’s look at what it actually means.
Innovation - Wikipediahttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Innovation
Now, what really strikes me here in the definition of ‘innovation’ is ‘better solutions’ to meet ‘unarticulated needs’. Think about that.
Again, my goal in writing this book is to help you find your place of freedom.
Freedom is the goal. To be in a free place to be who you are.
Hidden Treasures
Many of us have ‘unarticulated’, ‘unexpressed’, ‘raw’, ‘never before tapped into’ gifts and abilities. Now, if you get alone with yourself and give yourself enough room and enough space, you can often find amazing new talents or maybe some dreams that you surpressed.
So, Linda was a Finance Manager at a particular company. Linda always wanted to have her own jewelry company. She would often just make things for co-workers here and there, but then life got busy. Linda had so much to do. She wasn’t married yet, but she was involved in a lot of community activities, she helped her family a lot and quite honestly, even though she made jewelry as a child and loved it up to this day, eventually she wasn’t making jewelry anymore. Life just had put too much on her plate.
How many of you feel like Linda?
How many of us forget ourselves?
Dance Again….
I remember going to Africa when my Dad passed away. What an incredible experience. Well, if you don’t know about Ghanaian funerals, they are very lively! It is a four day celebration of life. I had a chance to go to so many gatherings, visit people, see the beautiful country. Now, every time I started to dance, my family loved it!!! They started calling me, “The Dancer!” You know what? Until I went to Ghana, I forgot how much I loved to dance! I seriously love to dance and I mean GET DOWN!
I forgot. As a little girl, I loved dancing. I would record hours and hours of music and just dance- I felt free.
It made me wonder why I didn’t dance anymore.
Why don’t we sing anymore?
Why don’t we paint anymore?
What happened to our smiles?
Are they so buried under our busy lives that we’ve lost a sense of self?
Are we ashamed to say, “I want to break out of this box. I don’t enjoy my life.”
Well, I want to dance. I’m not ashamed to say, I want to and I NEED to feel free and excercise my freedom. I need to discover the greater essence of life. I need to feel more than JOY- I need to feel purpose. Life is too short.
Don’t be ashamed to look at your life and say to your life, “I want more.” You deserve it.
You’re incredible.
You’re not an accident.
Confidence & Decisions
You know, life is a journey and many times in that journey, we face crossroads. We can go left, go right, forward, backwards or simply stay where we are.
Don’t be ashamed of the decisions you’ve made and even if they were bad decisions, today you can make a good decision. Today is here and yesterday is gone.
There are times in life especially as a woman where you have to make a choice to provide for yourself.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION ON WHICH WAY YOU’RE GOING TO GO.
Part of what holds up our lives is indecision. We don’t want to make a decision. Maybe we’re afraid of making the wrong decision.
Allow your heart to guide you.
Here’s a list of excellent questions to ask yourself when you’re facing a huge life decision:
- Am I making this decision out of an emotional place? Try not to make emotional decisions.
- How do I foresee this decision playing out long-term and am I willing to commit to this choice?
- What’s my agenda for making this decision?
- How will making this decision move my life forward?
- Is this a quality choice?
I remember deciding that I AM AN ENTREPRENEUR. It is at the core of who I am. One of the things about entrepreneurs is we try a lot of things. I had to learn and accept that it was part of the process. I have to accept that I will try ideas that don’t work. But ultimately, I have to own up to those decisions.
I am very firm on one thing though.
Never give up on a dream. Never. If you believe you are a singer- you keep walking through that door until you walk through the right door.
If you believe you are a painter. You keep painting your way into the right opportunity.
See, when you never give up on a dream- you find away.
The Importance of Hope
Never give up hope. Hope is that earnest expectation that something good can happen. Never leave your heart lonely. Always hope. Always believe. I think HOPE is so essential to life. It helps the heart to breathe. You have to believe you will see great things happen in your life.
Regardless of what your situation is...hope.
Let me ask you a question, “What are you hoping for?”
“What have you set your heart on?”
Hope is essential because you will make plans and plans may fail, but hope continues to see that brighter day.
Hope is vision...a vision for a brighter day.
Hope allows your imagination to come to life.
The Question. The Process.
The more I live, the more I realize, we are all answering this question, “Who Am I” progressively. Part of being unashamed is allowing yourself to go through the process of life.
I think a lot of us (including myself) sometimes either resist the process or we are ashamed of the process.
It’s time to be unashamed of your perceived failures. You’ve gone through a process. You’re stronger now. You can help someone else through it.
I often tell myself, “Just enjoy where you are.” I try to remember that.
At various points in your life you discover things you really want to do and things you don’t want to do. You discover things you are passionate about and you also find out things that don’t move you at all. You discover WHY you’re doing what you’re doing.
What would you feel like if you weren’t burdened with
Freeing Yourself from the Burden of Disappointment
I think women handle disappointments differently because we are so very nurturing. We try to nurture everyone- our friends, our employees, our loved ones, yet we forget that one little thing….to nurture ourselves!
Sometimes disappointments can be like permanent scars in our souls.
Many times, disappointment really comes not from what others think about us, but how we think about ourselves.
Disappointments are burdens. Did you know you can let your disappointments go?
Do you have shortcomings that burden you?
EXERCISE : It would help you to identify shortcomings or disappointments that plague you or weigh you down. Just write them down. Make a conscious effort to deal with these things emotionally. You know, as we grow, we sort of learn to just shame ourselves. We put burdens on ourselves. But freedom is yours and you have to take it. You have to let go of your perceived disappointments. Learn from them and allow yourself to move on. Feel whole again.
Don’t be ashamed. STOP PLAYING SMALL.
You know, there comes a time when you have to stop playing small. There comes a time when you NEED to stop playing small.
Life often demands that we step UP into our greatness.
I want to challenge you today to STEP UP into your greatness.
Why only act on the small ideas? Act on the big ideas.
Now, I’m not just talking about taking risk. No, I’m talking about how you view yourself and how you will relate to the world.
See, we are driven mostly by a media obsessed culture and we spend most of our time watching movies, watching TV- following the lives of our favorite stars. Now, there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that, but at some point we start living vicariously through so many people, we forget our own greatness! Come on! What about YOUR personal power?
You watch T.V., but you also want to be an actress. When are you going to do it?
You love listening to music and deep down inside, you want to sing. What is going to be your next step?
You see other marketing companies being the authority in their field and you have a marketing company and something to share. When are you going to market yourself like an authority?
As women, a lot of times, we short change ourselves. Not only do we take less pay, but we cheat ourselves out of bigger opportunities because we have the wrong thinking about our own selves.
Here’s how you can start PLAYING BIG. I already know some of this might sound a bit overboard, but just humor me here. This can really help you.
- Stop disqualifying yourself because of past disappointments. Turn off that replay button and reach out for that opportunity, that job, that business, that contract, that deal. Don’t be intimidated by a large project. Don’t think lowly of yourself.
- Don’t speak lowly of yourself. Boy, our life power is in the worlds we speak. How can you play BIG when you keep saying you don’t like the way you look, or you keep telling everyone what’s wrong about you. No! It may feel uncomfortable, but speak highly of yourself. You don’t have to be arrogant! But, my God, enjoy yourself. Compliment yourself. Treat yourself. Stop comparing your life to everyone else’s. They’re not the same.
- Be real about how your view yourself. If you need to work on your self image, the best thing to do is to admit it! A lot of times, we hide behind our fears and unexpressed desires. If you want your business to grow or you want that big contract, start to visualize the best for yourself.
- Set Your Expectations High. I don’t agree when people say things like, “Don’t get your hopes up.” or “Don’t expect too much”. Who wants to live life preparing for failure?
- Go After Big Opportunities. Don’t just think so small about yourself and your career or business. Go for the big opportunities. Go for the big contracts. Go for that promotion. Start that next project. Change your focus.
100% You
You know one of my favorite artists? Lady Gaga.
Let me tell you why.
She is totally herself and it is inspiring.
Her expression is so 100% her. Her music isn’t watered down. It’s her own brand. It’s not a copycat. It’s authentic.
Art in its purest form is transparent- from the heart.
Stop waiting for the perfect time to be you.
Sometimes, there’s no real transition. When you realize who you are, BE HER. Hit the nail on the head. Go for the prize. You’ve been wanting to paint, go buy your paint and start selling your art next week. You want to be a motivational speaker? Grab your camera and post something positive...NOW.
You want to start a blog? Start it TODAY.
No tomorrow. TODAY.
You may say, “But it’s not the perfect time”.
Well, news flash, there’s no such thing as the perfect time. The perfect time is when you make that decision.
You know, we all get so comfortable. Time belongs to no one. We all live like we have a million years. We don’t. Sometimes you just need to do it. Make it happen.
The How Complex
As a dreamer, maybe you suffer from the HOW complex. You start that business or your start that dream, but all of a sudden you stop because you can’t imagine how everything is going to play out. I mean, who is going to read your blog? How will you get readers? Who is going to book you as a speaker? What if you put up a website and no one buys anything?
How this?
How that?
Listen. Here’s a brilliant truth. If you focus on BEING...I mean authentically BEING with all the belief in your heart...you will lead yourself to the open doors and in fact, the open doors will come to you.
See, it goes back to being authentic.
I’ve accepted that I’m a designer. Regardless of what happens with sales, shifts, trends, etc. I have decided that I will keep designing. It’s because it’s who I am. Doors have to open. That doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It just means when I’m facing a tough situation or when I’m facing something that looks impossible or I hit a wall, I get my BELIEF so high. I remind myself that THIS IS WHO I AM. I will not stop being who I am because it looks like things aren’t working. Who cares what things look like.
What are you committed to?
No more playing small. You’ve been there. You’ve done that. It’s time to start taking your life by the reigns and giving the world what you came here for. No more wasting time.
It’s Time To Get Angry!
You know, anger is not only a bad thing- only when it’s uncontrolled! Listen, it’s time to get angry.
I’m angry for every time you wanted to make a move and you scared yourself out of it.
I’m angry for every woman including myself who ever underestimated themselves.
I’m angry for every woman who lets her dream die.
I’m angry for every woman who is ashamed of her body.
I’m angry for every woman who decides to be controlled by her past.
I’m angry for every woman who neglects her well being.
I’m angry for every woman who sells herself short and who devalues herself.
And I’m making a commitment to every woman around me to NOT ALLOW her to live beneath her greatness.
I want all of our daughters, our mothers, our aunts, our grandmothers, our nieces, our sisters….every single woman in our lives, I WANT US TO GET ANGRY ENOUGH FOR ALL OF THEM.
I want you to call your girlfriend up and tell her you won’t allow her to let her dream sit on the shelf!
Get ANGRY! Get UP and do something about your life.
Get UP and pursue that big dream….no…..not the SMALL thing…..THE BIG ONE….YEAH, the one that people laugh at….that dream…..DO THAT.
Get a little angry with yourself.
Let me tell you a personal moment I had with myself…..a very personal moment.
I got angry one day. I got angry that my music wasn’t taking off the way I thought it should. I got angry because all of these years, I let my music sit on the shelf.
I stopped because of fear.
I stopped because people didn’t understand.
I stopped because I felt I had failed.
I stopped because I thought maybe I’m too old.
I stopped because I thought my gift wasn’t as good as others.
So one day, I saw on facebook that someone I knew pretty well had just passed away suddenly. It was crazy because I was just talking to this person not too long ago. They were talking to me about a new project they were working on...they had been sitting on this dream for a long time.
Then I realized something and IMMEDIATELY my little pity party was over.
I asked myself, ‘What am I doing sitting here sad about what I didn’t do? I’m alive. I need to do this’!
Then I immediately made a studio appointment to continue working on my music project.
Then I realized the root of my problem.
I was ashamed. I felt guilty. I felt disappointed in myself. I felt embarrassed about my dreams. I realized I felt embarrassed for wanting more for my life.
I felt shame. I realized I made my bed in a place of pain...of regret.
See, the most horrible thing about regret is that it’s like dead end street. Living in regret doesn’t lead you anywhere...it’s just a circle of fear….it’s an dead end journey where all you do is rehearse your past disappointements.
Let Go of Your Regrets.
Can you let go of when you’ve disappointed yourself and made a decision you thought you shouldn’t have made? Can you move on?
Here’s the definition of regret: a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.
Here’s the thing….what’s done is done.
Can you move on?
Let’s make a decision to MOVE ON. Make your decision to MOVE ON.
You cannot make your bed in the valley of regret. When you’re living in regret, you are rehearsing your past disappointments and it’s a trap. You stay angry at yourself.
So, here’s the question, how do we move past regret? How do we move past these negative feelings that evoke these negative sensations and negative outcomes in our lives?
Here’s a few ways you can move past regret:
- Admit what you feel. It may help you to just write down the regrets you have. The reason I say this is because many of us have so much festering inside of us and we need to get it OUT. Getting it out is very healing. Also, until you actually admit what you feel, you never really face it. You need to sort out your feelings and own them so you can do something about it. It may help to take a little pause and write them down now.
- Forgive yourself and Embrace Yourself. It may sound a bit strange, but you know that sometimes you have to forgive yourself? You know, sometimes we are all just angry with ourselves. We look in the mirror and see failure. I want you to make an intentional decision to forgive yourself for every bad decision you feel you’ve made. Listen, yesterday is gone. Do not allow anything or anyone to burden you with guilt or pain. Listen, you have the right to be free.
- Make a verbal and conscious decision to move forward. You know, many times we are stagnant. We remain in a place of indecision because of fear and uncertainty. We remain in a place of indecision because other people want different things for us than what we want for ourselves. Refuse to allow yourself to be held up by others. Sometimes, the opinions of others can hurt, but they don’t matter. Now, you have to make a very intentional decision to move forward. You have to make a decision to make that next big step.
- Embrace Your Freedom. Aaaaah, such a beautiful word...freedom. Freedom is what we all want. We want to live in it. Feel it. Feel peace. Feel at peace. Feel unrestricted. Live lighthearted...without a heavy heart. Move forward and make that big decision you’ve been wanting to make- combat those voices of fear. Let those voices in your head know you are a FREE WOMAN. Make a decision to live in a place of FREEDOM. Make a decision to live in a place free of worry.
- Answer this question: What is your next big step? Now that you are deciding to live in a place of freedom, what is your next big step? What does moving forward look like to you?
I would encourage you to chart out your next 3 months. It’s always great to make a fresh commitment to yourself, but things can get lost if you don’t make some immediate moves in the direction you want to go.
When you let go of fear, your life will change.
When you let go of shame and embrace the unique ‘you’ inside, your world lights up.
UNASHAMED OF CHANGE
We all need change to propel us forward. There comes a time when life seems to demand something new to take place inside of you. It’s almost as if life asks you to step into bigger shoes. I think most of us can identify that feeling.
It’s time for change when:
- You are no longer content with things that used to satisfy you
- You have an uneasiness (in a good way) about your life, your situation, your job or business
- You constantly think about doing more than just the routine things life seems to offer you
- You constantly think about wanting more, but not more money or more things or more stuff….you just want more out of life
A Brand New YOU
Deep on the inside is that little child inside of us. You know, the one who dreams...awaken the dreamer inside of you. Allow her to come back to life. We try to silence the dreamer inside...we shame her. Allow yourself to dream again and hope again.
Live an inspired life...a life of hope.